When I was a child, I listened as a child – intently to the inflections of tone and responding authentically to first impressions. I had not yet developed the adult ability of feigning interest for courtesy’s sake.
My mother would read to me and I would hang onto every word. I loved shows like Star Trek, Lost in Space, and Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea that told stories of new life and new civilizations beyond my experience. Forty years later, I miss the special uncle who would spin tales of his work life and fishing trips. Those stories told me things about him that I could not have learned any other way.
Being a child is about change and transformation. It happens through a very forthright process -- by attending to and engaging everything in their worlds, often to the distraction of parents who have learned to be selective, cautious, and somewhat detached.
Adulthood started for me when I began to lose my hearing. As a teenager I thought I had arrived at final answers. My deafness grew worse as I graduated from college, ready to set the world and the church aright – if only people would listen to (i.e. “agree with”) my Biblical insights and strategic plans.
What I lost was the opportunity to be a true change agent. I was into monologue, not dialogue. I didn’t appreciate the importance of valuing where persons were and how they got there. Frankly, I doubted that I had anything to learn from those I professed to be serving.
Every encounter between two human beings is a cross-cultural experience in which two unique worlds come together. If redemptive change is to take place at least one person must engage the other with a determination to understand. True change is possible when I a meet, understand, and value the other person and to the extent that I am willing to be changed by the encounter. By first seeking to understand, I show a high level of respect for the other person. This is a form of agape love.
What I advocate is Listening Evangelism. This is a phrase from the book Listening and Caring Skills by John Savage. Listening Evangelism happens when I enter into another’s story in a way that demonstrates grace and truth. Spiritual encounters can happen everywhere -- in living rooms, coffee shops, church sanctuaries, and hospital rooms. Every Sunday is an encounter between hearers and the preacher. Worshippers are listening in the hope of hearing that the speaker (and God) comprehends the story they are living.
The work of a Listening Evangelist is to develop eyes that see and ears that hear the clues that people are scattering about all the time. Everyone tells stories. Hidden inside those stories, like diamonds in the rough, are the deep truths of the unconscious. Storytelling is a form of self-disclosure. When you learn how to hear the deep structure of stories, you never can be quite the same again.
What makes Listening Evangelism a powerful occasion for transformation is also the thing that makes it difficult. This is because I cannot communicate on the soul-level with another person and remain detached. I can maintain a sense of being in control if I remain more focused upon effective technique rather than meaningful relationship. However, the result is that I will remain relationally ineffective.
Listening is risky because if I succeed, a counterstory will rise up in me. Counterstory can become a problem because many if not most persons are in a lot of personal pain, and we tend not to want to hear their painful stories. The reason is that they remind us of our own pain. This tendency to avoid inward examination forms a barrier to real listening. While some say that they do not want to be pushy about their faith, what is really happening is that they are anxious about the counterstories that could be triggered.
This counterstory is my half of the bridge over which our two narratives meet. It is where the truth and grace of God can pass both ways. It is dangerous, yet holy ground.
Jesus knew what the suffering saints of Pergamos needed to hear: “To him who overcomes . . .I will give him a white stone, and a new name written on the stone which no one knows but he who receives it.” Notice that it is the one who receives the name who understands its meaning. No one else can or will. Jesus doesn’t explain anything. He just shows the name to the person and the person knows.
Jesus was a skilled listener. People heard him gladly because he was the “Wonderful Counselor” who knew what was in people (Isaiah 9:6; John 2:24). The Woman of Sychar, Zacchaeus, Nicodemus, Nathaniel, Mary, and Martha are some of those who heard the Good Shepherd call them by name.
This is a profound moment of intimacy -- one that all of us crave. I have spent every day of my fifty-three years living a story that I hope will be attended and valued. I seek and maintain relationships with parents, spouses, friends, and family for a reason -- I need someone to help me comprehend the story I am living. I am a mix of blunders and accomplishments, doubt and faith. Some parts I hide in shame. Other parts I show off with pride. Part of my grief is that my deceased parents only understood bits and pieces of it (or perhaps they knew more than I was ready to accept). Part of my frustration is that I desire a deep and mutual awareness with my wife and children that does not always happen.
Jesus’ promise is that at the end of my earthly faith journey, all I have been will be summed up in a name that Christ will speak privately into my ears. When I hear that name, all the pieces will come together. “Then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.”
It will be heaven.
But heaven does not have to wait.
It is my hope and responsibility to encounter people in way that provides both of us an chance to hear even a faint whisper of our true names. It is then that we can be converted and become like little children. The moment we hear our Creator’s voice, the door to change is opened wide. It is then that we can respond like the man who found the treasure buried in the field and sell all they have to possess it.
It is in that moment that the Kingdom of God comes.
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